chucktryon wrote:OK... in all the years I've been following ES, I never made the connection that it was Sarine all the way back here in the beginning. Makes for an interesting circle... not to mention the fact that it changes my understanding of her in the opening chapters.
Well, not meaning to jump on you here, but:
Sarine's husband wrote:Two years is a long time to some people, Sarine.
I don't really see how it can be much clearer than that.
I think you have a point, however, in terms of the imagery, not the dialogue. The Sarine in the first part of the prologue doesn't look much like the one we see later, although coloring the image helps. There is a good reason for Sarine's appearance on this page to be what it is: she looks young and vulnerable, for maybe the last time in her life until the battle in Praenubilus Astu and The Big Smooch, and not the least bit threatening, although that is a clear illusion given that she's already Viradior by this time. Good reason or no, that does make it a bit more difficult to keep track of her. I'd still recommend leaving this sequence at the very front of the comic in dead-tree format, though.
Because old is wise, does good, and above all, kicks ass.
I agree that this being at the front of the story is a good thing. The asides to Sara later were confusing (in fact the whole Ensigerum subplot, cool though they are, still feels like it could have been omitted without significantly affecting the main plot). But the transition to Sarine's prologue to Meji was perfect.
This bit we're on here now sort of sets the tone for the whole world, sets up what the big issues are going to be... and then the "two thousand years later" transition to Sarine killing Flemmel shows that her desperate hopes that everything would turn out all right obviously did not pan out, and that it has taken a hard toll on her character. We then leave track of her, and pick up a much lighter thread with Meji, which eventually reconnects to the bigger, more dramatic plot established by the prologue. It makes it clear that this is not Cerebrus Syndrome: this is going to be an epic story, see look here is some epic background, now lets meet the Ordinary High School Girl living her ordinary life before the shit hits the fan and becomes so epic.
Comparable openings that come to mind are the beginning of Serenity, and the Fellowship of the Ring movie.
In Serenity, you have the broad background of Earth-that-Was, that being just being a school lesson for River back in good times, transitioning to that being a memory of present-day River in her much more traumatic circumstances. In those more traumatic later circumstances we meet the Operative and the drama for the plot is established.... Then we cut away to the crew living their ordinary lives, and take a while to reconnect them to the dramatic plot.
In Fellowship of the Ring, the intro is about the forging of the rings, the epic war against Sauron, how the ring was taken and lost, then "history became legend, legend became myth", and two and a half thousand years later (sound familiar?), shit started to happen again. But nevermind that for now, lets check in on some Hobbits having a birthday party! We promise the drama will be back again soon.
I think it's a really good formula and Errant Story does it perfectly in these opening chapters. The only thing I found discontinuous at all was Sara's introduction; there's no indication yet of why I should care about those scenes, so they just seem non-sequitur.
-Forrest Cameranesi, Geek of All Trades
"I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like trolls, flames, or spam."
Long time reader (since Exploitation Now), first time poster. OhMyGoodness! Sarine's husband's name Has to be Jordan. And their child needs to be named Calvin if a son or Callista if a daughter. Jor-Elle and Cal-Elle.
Thank you for the epic story.
