The dumbest thing I've ever done

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Ghost in the Shell
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The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Ghost in the Shell »

Hello from yours truly Ghost in the Shell again!

I know it's been quite some times since my last post and I didn't post much from the beginning (and this will probably never change), but today, I have something to say. I don't know whether this belongs here or not, it could perhaps also be counted as an extension to my short introduction in the community board, but hey, what are mods there for? Feel free to move it. I posted it here for now, because I felt this is the closest to a general chit-chat board we have.
Usually I am not an internet exhibitionist, but I'll go for it just this once. I dunno why, but today I had the idea to write down a story that happened to me several years ago. I wrote it in english for training reasons as well as the plan to post it somewhere from the beginning. First I thought it was humorous, but I am not so sure about that now. Hopefully it's still kind of interesting.
If you wonder what it is about, I suggest you read the topic title again...
I'll split it into several posts for reading convenience, may the powers to be forgive me this multiposting. ^_^
Ghost in the Shell
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Ghost in the Shell »

Ok, since I am going to make fun of myself by telling you the hilarious story of my dumbest action ever, I want to start rebuilding the credibility I‘ll definitely lose first. That is, I‘m going to explain what kind of person I was back then and what experiences I had made until then. Well, at least the ones I believe had a direct impact on my actions.
Let‘s start in the year after I graduated from high-school. Or college, or... well, I dunno the exact international equivalent to this, you should know that my graduation qualified me to go to university, which is where I currently am (actually in the process of graduating with a diploma, i.e. a master‘s degree in computer science).
In germany this is usually the time for males to go either to the military or do civil duty (for about 11 months it was I think... they shortened in the last years, so I don‘t even remember how long I had to do it). I worked in a hospital‘s laboratory and met my first girlfriend a short while before I finished civil duty, over the internet. Kinda sad to get a g/f that late, I know, but it wasn‘t the first experience with girls I made. It was a long distance relationship and to be honest, it was crap. To make it easier, I‘m gonna use the girl‘s first initial from now on, K. Well, K... I am not on bad terms with her now, never was. To be honest and short about it, the reason we split up was that she had (and I guess still has), some serious psychological problems I‘m not going to brag about. That, and the fact I had a pretty ridiculous of a relationship. Basically I though I could help her by being overly patient and careful, suppressing my own needs and expectations of what a relationship could offer to me. Of course if someone has problems like she did, it‘s not helped if you just sit there and try to be comfortingly silent.
Anyways, since we didn‘t see each other as regularly as couples that don‘t live 300 km afar do, the thing lasted for almost a year. I finally found the guts to end it for good at the end of my first semester at university and promptly messed up some exams.

I realize I am making this longer than necessary, since I haven‘t even started to get to the main part, but bear with me a little longer.

A few months before the relationship with K. ended a girl from the same bulletin board I met my ex approached me. Not in a romantic way (I think). I was an operator there and I believe my credit with most users and participants was pretty well. My opinion was kind of valued, I tended to write interesting posts on the various philosophical, relationship-centered (a bad habit: I tend to even dare giving advice on things I don‘t have much first hand experience, but as far as I can see, I never did any harm, quite the opposite from what people told me) and general chit chat subsections of the board. Like little essays sometimes. This made a, hm... well, kind of unjustified impression on some people. The girl that approached me, let‘s call her S, was one of these.
I freely admit that I was flattered by that. We became kind of friends and she told me about her problems (I believed so) and I did the same, i.e. talked about K.
As you can imagine I wouldn‘t write all this if it had stayed like that. I honestly do not remember whether S started to get more intimate before or after K and I split up. I do know that I did not cheat on K, be it mentally or really in a chat.
Anyways, after my relationship was over, I started to like the affection S showed me even more. It was nice to be kind of desired by a girl not only on a platonically, intellectual way, but „for real“. I can‘t say how long it took, but she eventually sent me pictures of her, „that“ kind of pictures. Boring, you say? Well, now we slowly begin to enter the realm of my insanity...
The point was her whole living situation. Ok, she lived in Vienna, still lives. This is even farer from where I live that K‘s home, not even the same country. She moved there from a small country village, so to say. And here it goes: She basically left her boyfriend there, quickly moving in with another guy. Of course she told him, and me, btw, that there was nothing between them. Today I know better. I‘ll reference her boyfriend with T, the other guy with Mar (you‘ll see why I have to use 3 letters soon...). T doesn‘t play much of a role in the setup, but keep in mind that she basically tricked him. Now I honestly do not know whether she physically cheated on him, but I do know that Mar fell for her and I bet that she liked it. Liked to be desired. Her problem was, that she was unable to find the guts and do something about the situation, she just always managed to calm both guys when the topic came up I guess. It‘s a feature I was very soon to be experiencing myself.
But before I entered the stage of this really crappy play, there was yet another one. The reason why I can‘t ref Mar with M alone: Mat (not his full name). He actually was Mar‘s best friend, yikes! Now that I think of it, I actually can‘t remember whether S started to get into something like a relationship with him or Mar first. It doesn‘t really matter, the point is, that first, she was quasi-cheating on T with one of them, then she started to cheat on the new guy as well with his best friend. Oh, of course the new one also believed to be „the one“.
I can not prove it, but I am sure that at some point, she even started to sleep with them. Makes sense. „Whoa, bitch!“ I can hear you say, „But where‘s the funny part concerning you?“ Getting there.
So, to be brutally honest, all of them weren‘t really smart. S managed to keep this freak-show up for quite some time, since way before I got to know her. What I am trying to say with this is: it should have been easy to discover for either of them, at least for Mar and Mat, who saw each other regularly. The three of them, Mat, Mar and S, even went to the same school (some after high school thing, don‘t matter).
And here I was, the so called „wise“ man of the bulletin board each of those three was a member of... Oh, shame on me, shame... Judging from today, it would have been easy for me to figure it out or at least get a hunch myself. Example: Who do you think made those pictures? It was clear from them that they weren‘t made with auto-shot. Someone held the camera. Further strange: S never really denied that both guys loved her. She even stated she „had been“ in a relationship with both of them, but currently wasn‘t anymore. Though she was still living with one of them and seeing the other regularly, even alone... Oh you gods, what the fuck did you do to my brain back then?
Ok, now, this reads like I was bitter about the whole story, but that‘s completely not the case. I consider it quite amusing. I have learned a lot about me and life in general thanks to it. I guess it is pretty easy to imagine why I was still developing a crush for her. As stated above, she showed desire for me and gave me the feeling to be attractive and valuable as a life partner for someone. K had never been able to show that to me (which makes me feel most sorry for her, btw).
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Ghost in the Shell »

So, I feel like having left out some important aspects, but I‘ll continue anyways. It came as it had to, I fell really in love with her (I would still say that I actually loved her) and wanted to be with her. Of course I worried she might hide something from me, but I managed to shove that feeling aside, probably just as did the other two guys. Yup, two, at least T seemed to have gone by then.
It was in the christmas holidays 2003, I think, when I took a flight to Vienna. I had never done something like this, I literally threw myself into the unknown. It was planned that I stay at Mar‘s and her place for a few days and I had high expectations regarding a real get together with S. Of course I had told her that I loved her and all, and she even said the same, but she is one of those people that somehow manage to sneak around a solid statement in these cases. She literally said it, but on the other hand, she always complained that she did not know what to do, because she would feel sorry for the other two, they loved them as friends and what not. I guess you get the picture, I can‘t put it more exactly than to say it was just weird.
Which is also the same description fitting out final meeting at the airport best. She and Mar came to fetch me (by train). She was overly full of Joy to see me, hugged ma and all. Actually she held both of my hands the whole time on the train (was sitting opposite from me). I felt a bit awkward in front of Mar, and I guess he did as well. Other than that I could say he was a nice guy, very quiet, but friendly. Which is strange, considering he must have known the reason why I was there. I guess he thought S would manage to keep me at distance just as he thought she did with Mat.
I got their bed (yes, they usually slept in a single bed together... a one-person bed even, one meter wide...), they took a camp bed and the couch in the living room. And you thought I couldn‘t have been more blind, eh?
I can not really remember what I felt back then. If I‘d have to guess, I‘d say that I, even if just sub-consciously, knew the truth but was willing to forgive her as long as she would pick me now.
Yes, I think that basically sums it up pretty well. See, I even told her I‘d be willing to finish my studying in Vienna, or that she could move to my place. I offered her a real life together. Which was more than either of the two could do, because the truth is, they had almost nothing (that‘d be Mar) respectively nothing (that‘d be Mat).
On with what actually happened. Though this is a problem, because my memories are already dizzy. I can‘t even say how long I was supposed to stay in Vienna, I only remember that it was between Christmas and New Year, so it was less than a week. I believe it was the first evening when I met Mat the first time in person and a couple of other friends of theirs. The first impression of Mat was that of a slob. He looked a bit like he had slept the night and hadn‘t eaten in quite a while. He also did not seem very clever to me, but I can‘t really judge that because I hardly know him.
The next day (or was it days?) basically showed me how serious my problem, winning her, really was and that she must have hidden something from me.
Now I am a very rational person and try to solve problems no matter what. This is probably what really distinguishes me from S, Mat and Mar. I can‘t recall what exactly I did, but it must have been equal to someone twisting a rusty knife in the wound of lies they were all living in. I dug into it, questioned them all and so on. Eventually the situation became so bad that all of them started to crack down and almost openly argued. Looking back at it, I can‘t understand especially Mar. He seemed to consider me untouchable somehow, because none of them ever said even a little mean thing to me. Of course I did never do that either, after all I honestly believed I could make the situation better for all. Which is logical, since it couldn‘t become any worse. What was rather not logical, or outstanding dumb, was that I believed I could win S for myself at the same time.
Anyways, I don‘t know the exact reason, but one evening, S vanished. She somehow managed get lost when we all were going god-knows-where (this is funny, too, somehow we were still „doing something“, something other than stop fucking up I mean...)
I took the chance and tried an open word with Mat and Mar. I told them, „look, we all love the same girl and she obviously lied to all of us. Now I don‘t expect you to leave her because of that, because you haven‘t so far, though you must have at least had a hunch and I don‘t plan to either, but it can‘t go on like this.“ Of course I didn‘t use the exact same words, but it must have been something along those lines. I guess I said even more, maybe trying to manipulate them to let her go or so, I don‘t remember. Not important, because as you might guess it didn‘t make a difference. When S finally showed up, she first was pretty upset we hadn‘t searched her until she found I was the one suggesting to wait at the place we all agreed to go to. I had even asked the others where she might have been gone and since nobody had a clue, I told them to best wait for her to answer her phone and wait where we were. Stupid of her to expect something dumber than that, especially since everyone knew she was trying to „punish“ us (or at least Mat and Mar, dunno).
When she found out we three had talked she was even more pissed, but apparently only at Mar and Mat. They had even admitted that each of them still believed to have a relationship with her as the only one. I don‘t understand why S wasn‘t pissed at me for this, because I was the one putting their noses on it.
Anyways, she did not want to talk to them after that, so I had a long talk with her. Basically I asked her to finally make a decision, told her it couldn‘t go on like that and so on. She was indifferent, of course. Frustrated even more so. I think she really succeeded in telling herself she was the victim here.
I believe it was the next day I finally left Mar‘s place. Luckily for me I knew another one via the board in Vienna. He was a friend of Mat, I think, but I had met him via a different „channel“ on the board. I‘m not sure, but I believe their friendship was not that close these days anymore, maybe because of Mat‘s stupid behavior over S. I think he didn‘t have a very high opinion on S and scolded his buddy for even being with her. At least he did that with me, which sounds reasonable to me these days.
This is another thing I am very glad to have experienced on that trip: Real friendship. I think I can be really grateful that he took me in. Actually, his family and his g/f did. The first night I could stay at his family‘s place, since they had already planned a dinner together. It was a bit embarrassing for me, because I could guess that everyone could pretty much imagine why I was there, but they were really nice. The next (and I believe last day) I could stay at his g/f‘s flat. That evening, I had a last meeting with Sandra, and with her alone. I guess the discussion went on where it had left the other night. I tried to show her some possible ways out, like leaving the shit behind and come with me, leading a normal life. We even kissed and I have to admit that was the best kissing in my life so far. The kisses with K were... well, I guessed technically I sucked at them, but she was too psychotic to do something about it. With S I actually pretty quickly found out what she liked, which made the kiss better for me, too. Whatever.
The next day I left Vienna. Yup, without telling S to go to hell. And THAT is the reason why I consider this the dumbest action in my life. Love makes blind, they say, and I guess many people have done stupid things because of it at least once in their lives. Even if what I did was excessively stupid, that‘d be excusable and not that much dumber than other things people do. But I got my face rubbed in crap, stood up and demanded more.
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Ghost in the Shell »

The rest of the story can probably told a little quicker. Some weeks after I was back home, I discovered (via the board, of course) that things in Vienna started to get as they were. S seemed to mess around with Mat and Mar again and held me on the leash as „the really perfect man I am too scared to really be with“ (I don‘t say that to brag, it‘s basically what she told me in slightly different words). Eventually I caught her with a direct lie regarding a quite intimate meeting with Mat. I guess he made it public to somehow bind her to him. That was the point where I realized how hollow all of what she told me was. So first, I told him that I kissed her. Granted, I guess that‘s less compared to what he probably was able to do, hehe. Worked nevertheless. They had an argument over it and this time, she was mad at me. I want to point out that they arguing was NOT my intention, however. I should have seen this coming, but in the situation I told him, I wasn‘t thinking about it. It was rather that I was struck with realization. I finally understood what kind of person S is, to use a pathetic description here. In this very moment, I decided to not further try to get her, while at the same time I felt a bit sorry for Mat (after all, I didn‘t have anything against him, he had a hard enough life already so far). I thought I should tell him my thoughts about Sandra and leave it up to him whether he could live with the way S was or not. I couldn‘t. If I recall it correctly, that was even about what I said to him.
Of course she was mad at me anyways. Which was no big deal for me. Of course I was a bit depressed, but it was actually not as bad as I had feared.

Looking back I would say that the whole experience has let me grow as an adult. My views on what a relationship is and how people are has definitely changed, but I am not bitter in the least. One could think I would consider humans or women as mean and evil now, but quite the opposite is the fact. I also do not well in the dream that somehow S‘s behavior patterns will get back to her, this might as well never happen. I don‘t really care. I think I have a more realistic view on people now and this helps me to accept them better. Of course I certainly do not consider S as a friend, but I wouldn't consider her an enemy either. She‘s just someone I met, yes, even loved, but then found out we are too different to have much of a contact. As everybody else I have certain things I expect a potential friend to have. Some more for a lover. She did not fit that pattern, so what?
Well, I guess I am drifting off. What‘s probably left to say is that she seems to be not happy with the situation. She contacted me several times over the last years, of course after some time had passed. The first or second time, the discussion (over a chat of course) turned into a heavy argument. It didn‘t really mean anything to me, but I saw no reason to just ignore her. To be honest, I evilly enjoyed seeing her so damn mad, since it appeared to me she was furious I flatly refused to be her friend and told her that from my perspective, I did nothing to her, but she did something to me. She wanted to basically hear me say that I had done her wrong as well, but I can‘t see what that would have been. I did stupid things, but more to myself than anybody else, especially not to her. I can live with the fact that she sees or at least wants to see this differently, as said, she doesn‘t mean much to me anymore. Granted, one time, I actively started a chat just to argue, because I was in the mood to just argue, but that has been several years ago as well.
One or two weeks ago, she suddenly wrote me again. I was polite, but didn‘t drive the conversation any further. No idea why she did that, perhaps she‘s making another approach to hear me say I‘m sorry or whatnot, perhaps she‘s just curious how I am doing. I don‘t think I have much to say to her.

Ok, that was it. Sadly I realize this reads not as funny as I thought it would. I had always the impression it would give great material for a soap opera that can be laughed about, but come to think of it: Who can really laugh about something as lame as a soap opera? Anyways, maybe it‘s at least an interesting read for some bored person. At least when I tell new people I meet the story of my dumbest action (usually while sitting in a bar), it‘s a good laugh, especially since nowadays, people don‘t believe me to be someone so naive. So it‘s a perfect example of how people can learn from their failures, right? Maybe this is a good justification for writing the thing down: If you have never made a really dumb action and want to try it out, just read this and imagine being me. Believe me, it works, no matter how smart you think you are (and I dare say I am smart, I can still give good advice on many social things and am making my master‘s degree in a not-so-social area right no was well), you can still do dumb things.
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Imp-Chan
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Imp-Chan »

Thank you for sharing.

Though I'm at a loss as to why this was shared here, I'm always pleased to see folks opening up to the board.

^-^'
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Ghost in the Shell
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Ghost in the Shell »

Oh, cool, a pity post! ^^

There's no specific reason why I posted it (not even alcohohl or any other drug ). I wrote it down because I realized I was forgetting parts of it, which is quite annoying when you wanna tell the story on a party. I wrote it in english because I have a friend in the UK who I thought could be interested in it. I thought it reads funny (when I tell it in a conversation it usually makes people laugh... but not about me... er... I think ^^), so I posted it. I guess I didn't think of two issues: a) it's way too long for even my tastes of what's an acceptable length for a forum post and b) it's not that funny after all.
I'm just glad I at least considered whether it gives away too much about me (which it doesn't I think). ^_^
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Imp-Chan »

Actually, I really am pleased you shared, and didn't respond out of pity. It just took me a while to get around to reading through the whole thing. -_-' Usually that's the sort of thing people save for their livejournal or such, but I genuinely want this place to be a community, so it's good to tell stories. I am going to move this to the community board, though, since that's a better place for it (this event being neither current nor good for debate).

I think we all have stories of the stupidest relationship things we've ever done. It's interesting to me how everyone, no matter how smart (and I think this board tends to attract the bright ones, just as a general rule) gets really STUPID when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe it's just nature's great equalizer at work, but we all tend to get selfish and blind when it comes to our feelings. Some are just better at coming out ahead of all that than others.

Since the topic is started, now of course I'm curious. I want to hear more stories of romantic misadventure and comedies of errors (though, erm... no offense, but I'd prefer they be a bit shorter). I'll share if you all will!

^-^'
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Cassanne »

Well... ok. I did some embarrassing things, but most of them are pretty uninteresting. However, this one still flusters me after many years.
One day, when I was still very inexperienced (though perhaps not very young), my best friend confessed that she was in love with me. I was stunned - not shocked, but very surprised. Then I let her kiss me. Heh, it was my first kiss too.
But when the confusion cleared up, I realized I just wasn't in love with her and couldn't really think of her that way, so this would not lead to any good. I broke it off before it became anything official. That was a very hard thing to do.

I'm so glad we're still best friends now... (and both in a succesful relationship).
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by zanntos »

Finally got around to reading the wall of text. Amusing story if for no other reason than i've know a couple S's myself, though thankfully i managed to stay at the observer level.
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Re: The dumbest thing I've ever done

Post by Viking-Sensei »

You're fine, don't worry about it... the wall of text is a little intimidating, I'll grant you, but it's a lot of story to tell...

We've all done stupid things. Why, on my 18th birthday... wait, no, I'll tell that one a little later. There's a yearly tradition where I tell, in extreme detail, the goings on of the fiasco that was my 18th birthday. This year, I'll share it with you lot. Let's just leave it at "we've all done stupid things".
How could a plan this awesome possibly fail?
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