The Hulk: Because FOX news just doesn't cut it.

Because it only took Viking-Sensei three years (and the approaching end of Errant Story) to come up with a better name for "General Discussions"
Post Reply
User avatar
Labrat
Errant Scholar
Posts: 226
Joined: August 28th, 2007, 1:17 am

The Hulk: Because FOX news just doesn't cut it.

Post by Labrat »

First, lets make it clear: I have not yet seen the movie. From all reports, its better than the last one... generally skipping the wangst, dire-poodles, and Bruce's crazy sky-ameoba father. The bar is set pretty damn low here, gentlemen. So let me explain my (admittedly very drunken) perspective on the matter.

When I watch a Jackie Chan movie, I want three hours of the man getting his ass handed to him in imaginative and unexpected ways. When I watch a movie with Robert Downey Junior, I expect to see every single one of the ten commandments blatantly violated. Including the one that requires taking art classes. And, when I see a Hulk movie, I want to see crap break.

I don't need any of this 'plot' or 'character development'. I don't even ask for basic logic or consistency.

When I get to a theater, I expect to see Bruce Banner transform in the first five minutes of the film after spilling his coffee and not turn back until the ending credits... whereupon he brushes off his indestructible pants and gets himself another cup of coffee. Which is promptly spilled. In between, I wish to see the green man sodomize an oil tanker right out of the water. I wish to see him driving a chariot pulled by two hypervelocity T-rex steeds. I wish to see him punt a jeep containing a three-star-general, still alive, into the White House during a press conference. I want him to face off against flaming robotic hell-beasts from the end of time, fueled by the screams of damned souls... riding even larger robotic hell-beasts, also on fire, built out of dozens of giant metal screaming faces.

Screw plot, screw character development.
Crush-Crush-Burn-Crush-Burn-Rip-Tear-Despoil-Burn-Crush-Rip-SMASH-SMASH-SMASH!

May I not be too disappointed.
User avatar
Graybeard
The Heretical Admin
Posts: 7180
Joined: August 20th, 2007, 8:26 am
Location: Nuevo Mexico y Colorado, Estados Unidos

Re: The Hulk: Because FOX news just doesn't cut it.

Post by Graybeard »

OK, but don't give Poe any ideas. Character development in this story is far too interesting.
Image

Because old is wise, does good, and above all, kicks ass.
User avatar
Labrat
Errant Scholar
Posts: 226
Joined: August 28th, 2007, 1:17 am

Re: The Hulk: Because FOX news just doesn't cut it.

Post by Labrat »

Graybeard wrote:OK, but don't give Poe any ideas.
What? You don't want to see Ian driving a chariot pulled by two hypervelocity T-rex steeds?
Infidel.
Post Reply