Applied Creative Bastardry

Home of Viking's Infamous "Three Things" Challenge and some other games likely to make the baby Lord Naughtius cry.
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Imp-Chan
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Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by Imp-Chan »

This was eventually going to become a card-based party game, but I figure that this is a good place to test it out. This is a game for all those nice guys who sometimes... wish they weren't so nice.

Title: Applied Creative Bastardry
Players: Unlimited, but only five responses per situation here please.
Materials: In its orginal format, there were playing cards with situations on them and score cards, but neither is necessary here.

Premise: You are a nice person. You LIKE being a nice person. But there are some days when situations arise that just really get to you, and you're too nice to do anything about it, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun thinking up creative ways to solve the problem as evilly as possible...

Rules: One person proposes an Awful Situation. Everyone else responds with creatively vile "solutions" to the situation. Best solution wins each round (though I doubt we'll bother judging them here).

Example/First Question: Your roommate's boyfriend is always hanging around the apartment. He's a complete slob, so whenever he comes over there's always filthy dishes in the sink and garbage everywhere, and worse than that, he stinks to high heaven! Like, his B.O. could peel paint. Your roommate is in Love, and paid up on the rent. What do you do?

An Example Answer: Wait till he sleeps over. Then, use cotton balls and concentrated sugarless Koolaid to gently dye him green.

Rules: Answers may not be violent in nature, just creative and evil. The more convoluted and complex the plan, the more points for creativity, the simpler the plan, the more points for feasibility. Situations should be uncomfortable, bizarre, or unpleasant, but not too terribly unlikely or uncommon.

Have fun, folks!

^-^'
Because scary little devil girls have to stick together.
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finalcarrot
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by finalcarrot »

Situation:

You go to a party. Halfway through the night, you take a potty break. After going to the bathroom, you notice your refuse will not flush and the toilet is slowly filling to the rim. The host of the party knocks on the door, asking if you're almost done, because a line is forming. Embarrassed that everyone will know you messed up the toilet, you desperately seek a way to unclog the toilet, but there isn't a plunger to be found, not even a scrub brush! With nothing normal to reach the filthy mess you've left in the toilet, you decide you'll have to improvise.


GO!
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Tiamat
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by Tiamat »

Make good your escape through a window, forcing the next person in line to deal with the mess. Quickly re-enter the party and mingle once more, cementing an alibi that you weren't the one who ran screaming into the night while the toilet boiled over.

A side note: worst topic for this game ever :p
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finalcarrot
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by finalcarrot »

Then make another. I've never played this before and I thought it would be a good starter.

Plus, everyone would know you escaped out the window and left the mess, seeing as the host is aware it's YOU in the bathroom.
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Tiamat
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by Tiamat »

finalcarrot wrote:Then make another. I've never played this before and I thought it would be a good starter.

Plus, everyone would know you escaped out the window and left the mess, seeing as the host is aware it's YOU in the bathroom.
You didn't say they knew it was you, though.
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finalcarrot
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by finalcarrot »

I said the host knocks, asking you are almost done. I should have explicitly said the host knew YOU were in there. Sorry!
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Tiamat
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by Tiamat »

finalcarrot wrote:I said the host knocks, asking you are almost done. I should have explicitly said the host knew YOU were in there. Sorry!
Well damn. There goes my answer, then.
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Viking-Sensei
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by Viking-Sensei »

No, I can answer this... albeit it's going more towards the creative than bastard side...

If they have toothpaste, quickly put some in your mouth and try to work up a good lather so you're frothing. Wrap the shower curtain around you, put your pants on your head, sit in the tub, and loudly sing as much of the Canadian national anthem as you know. Sing it several times if you only know the "Oh, Ca-Na-Da!" part. When they try and break in, fake a seizure. When you "come to", ask if anyone else thought the shrimp tasted funny.
How could a plan this awesome possibly fail?
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by BandMan2K »

Viking-Sensei wrote:No, I can answer this... albeit it's going more towards the creative than bastard side...

If they have toothpaste, quickly put some in your mouth and try to work up a good lather so you're frothing. Wrap the shower curtain around you, put your pants on your head, sit in the tub, and loudly sing as much of the Canadian national anthem as you know. Sing it several times if you only know the "Oh, Ca-Na-Da!" part. When they try and break in, fake a seizure. When you "come to", ask if anyone else thought the shrimp tasted funny.
That's hilarious, but I think I can trump that:

You start by turning on the faucet in the sink and splashing some water on your face. You then start screaming, "Oh my God" in ever louder iterations. Slam yourself against the door while not opening it so as to make people on the other side get away a foot or so. This will open up space to allow you a quick exeunt, especially if it's a hallway. Open the door quickly and grab the host of the party by the collar saying, "...the horror. THE HORROR! It's Cthultu, coming up the toilet for your souls! Runnnnnnn for your liiiiiiiives!!" You then make a hasty retreat out of the party, but not without repeating this to everyone within earshot and catching to see if anyone smiles in recogniton of Exploitation Now Vol. 1. In which case they'll mention something to the effect of "Somebody get Bimbo and throw her in!" You of course could also be throwing this option out there all the while making your way out of the party and back home.

When you're questioned about it the next day, you can just say, "Well I think someone must've given me Everclear instead of Vodka in my Screwdriver. It was like the Matrix." (Sad fact: this actually happened to me 4 years ago. It was Everclear and things were in bullet-time.)

Problem solved & new drinking story/cautionary tale of the effects of Everclear.
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Re: Applied Creative Bastardry

Post by Ghost in the Shell »

Ok, this all sounds quite cool as answers, but I don't really see the vil sides in it, just hilarious and creative aspects.
It's hard though given a situation that's more embarassing than nerving. I'll try to give a really evil answer then.

As soon as you realize the feces won't flush and/or the host knocks, you force your most self-content face and open the door. In front of everybody else pat him on the shoulder and say: "Geez, I didn't think you'd throw a party and then invite guests who let their shit swim in the toilet. It might upset people trying to take a piss, you know? Not me, of course, I've always just pissed in the sink when I was here anyways." Then gently tap his cheek and add: "Oh, and I didn't wash hands, by the way!" and go home, humming a happy tune.

Granted, nobody will probably believe you this, but in any case, you'll have lost some freinds just because of the evil try. ^_^

I can't resist to give an answer to Impys example as well, since I almost had to face such a situation. In the scenario, I'd see my roommate as the guilty one, so I'd say to myself "He likes stank? He'll get stank!" I'd go and buy some fish or tuna, the older the better. Then I'd wait for an opportunity when both of them aren't home. I'd put the fish into their matress (cut open, put it in, sew again) and possible other places in my mates room (but only ones where he will not find it, risky...). Perhaps I'd have to go through some more stank enduring myself as well, but 2 weeks later my roommate and his/her partner will definitely rather spend time at that partners place... Then just glue my mates roomdoor to keep the air in there, et voila!
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