new game "corrupt a wish"

[Tiamat]

I wish I was the baddest baddass zombie fighter ever to exist.

Granted. A zombie attacks you while you try to get some light reading done, and you run around your home in circles until, desperate and panicked, you grab a lamp and crack it once across the skull. The police arrive, notice your soiled pants, and proceed to have a grand laugh at your expense while they cart away the worlds only zombie - As the only zombie fighter who has or ever will exist, you are necessarily the most badass, but also the most chicken.

I wish I could stop getting sick right before I have to give a verbal defense of arguments.

[Alberich]

I wish I could stop getting sick right before I have to give a verbal defense of arguments.

Well, like all these doctors are playing around with your gulliver, you know, like the inside of your brain. You seem to have this dream over and over. But when you awake, my brother - you're cured, all right. Only the surgery was experimental and there are side effects. Now, during your arguments - particularly closing arguments in front of juries or oral arguments before appellate courts - you can't help but voice your passing thoughts. And such thoughts they are! You end up as the legal equivalent of the dirty vicar sketch.

I wish for a two-week vacation in a marvellous fairy country.

[Jack Rothwell]

Granted. Your trip to manchester (it has a big gay district, if you're a yankie, substitute LA) goes well, the drinks are good, the drugs are cheap and the people are very friendly, but unfortunately a rogue tinkerbell is sucked into your plane's engine on the way home, and you wind up spiraling towards the earth at 800 miles an hour before smashing into the countryside.

I wish that no-one who read my hilarious comment above took it as a stab against homosexuals, and it instead recognized it as a witty joke that utilized the double meaning of 'fairy' to deliberately misconstrue the wish of the person who posted before me.

[Alberich]

I wish that no-one who read my hilarious comment above took it as a stab against homosexuals, and it instead recognized it as a witty joke that utilized the double meaning of 'fairy' to deliberately misconstrue the wish of the person who posted before me.

Granted. No one reads your comment at all -- except for a pair of psychotic young ladies, who are convinced your comment is not only tasteful, but the most witty, hilarious thing they have ever read. Based on it, they track you down and begin to "stalk" you, urgently seeking every moment they can in your company so you can "make them laugh." They also weigh a quarter-ton between them, listen constantly to music you hate, have serious issues with personal hygiene, and hate each other's guts.

I wish to own a habitable, earth-sized planet on the other side of the sun, with no people on it yet.

[Drannin]

Granted. The planet is perfectly habitable... if you breathe chlorine gas and have highly acidic blood.

I wish I could win an expensive trip to Vegas.

[Jack Rothwell]

Granted, Johnny Vegas puts on a sub-par comedy set, during which he singles you out for merciless ridicule and sends you home with your self-esteem in ruins.

I wish I had a pet tortoise.

[Sareth]

Granted! Please allow five to six decades for delivery.

I wish I had my own personal ballistic missile submarine.

[Alberich]

Granted! "Oooh, what does this button do? Hey, but I liked Seattle! Dang it, the radio's broken, and those sonar blips are not looking friendly. And what was that funny-looking flag painted on the side? I think I've just started a war between...." BOOM!

I wish that anything you can do, I can do better.

[Jack Rothwell]

Granted, lets play a game called 'cut your head off with a rusty chainsaw'!

I wish Tamina could make it through a single thread of Errant Road without being molested, perved at or called a 'catgirl' instead of a 'kobold'.

[Alberich]

I wish Tamina could make it through a single thread of Errant Road without being molested, perved at or called a 'catgirl' instead of a 'kobold'.

What the kind of a deviant sicko wish is that???

Okay, fine. The genie curses all the Errant Road players and converts them into half-dead nonagenerians with severe senile dementia that makes them forget everything that's good in life, sexual malfunctions that make that it painful to think about anything sexy, and no sense of duty whatsoever. Which is the only kind of person who could make it through an Errant Road thread without wanting to molest Tamina at least a little bit, or do a bit of harmless perving at her cute furry little tail...and rubbing her drits a little...and get her to purr...who's a cute little kobold then?

I wish to find The Lost Chord -- the chord itself, I mean -- and get it written down in proper musical notation, and share it with some worthy musicians.