Volkanenborg

As we play, occasionally we'll close a thread and open a new one to keep the size of threads (and relative complexity) down to a dull roar. Here's where we store the closed posts from the history of Errant Road.
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Graybeard
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by Graybeard »

[OOC: Anybody out there?...]

I'll never understand bars, Ramian thought as he stepped out of the High Society.

The drinking part was easy enough to understand; he could enjoy a good glass of ale from time to time, although he failed to see the attraction of the hog swill that humans called beer. But drinking with the goal of getting drunk was just incomprehensible to him. For one thing, elves didn't get drunk. Once they had enough alcohol in them to start having an effect on their brains, their metabolisms jumped into high gear to get rid of the intoxicants before they could do actual damage. The result was not a buzz, but simply an overpowering need to urinate. Where was the pleasure in that? And besides, human life spans were impossibly -- one might almost say tragically -- short anyway. Why should they spend any part of it with their brains malfunctioning to the point of delirium, if not shut down altogether? It just didn't make sense to him.

There was also the titillation of almost breaking the nudity taboo, but not quite. When he sat down at a table, he'd been waited on by a young woman wearing a cap with a feather in it, a pair of hiking boots that had clearly never seen mountain soil, and a climbing harness -- and nothing else. Well, almost nothing else; he did notice, pulled back flush against her body, a breechcloth about the size of his palm, presumably something that the town bureaucrats had insisted on for "health" reasons, but it left very little to the imagination. Other humans working the bar, both male and female, were similarly attired, and their "uniforms" seemed to be earning them good tips from the customers. But why? He'd known for hundreds, if not thousands, of years that humans had these body-part hangups; what was the point of coming into a place like this and flouting them while getting their minds disabled? He just didn't get it.

Anyway, the possible Errant wasn't in the High Society, and none of the other patrons looked like Errants either, so he didn't stick around. The next bar, the Crystal Ball, featured several near-naked human females gyrating improbably inside what looked like a giant fishbowl. Nothing interesting here either, he rapidly concluded. He continued on down the street, poking his head into several similar places, and occasionally suspecting he saw either Jamie or Marcus in the distance on the street, but never seeing anything that required his attention.

Finally, he got to the last one on the street, which didn't seem to be doing much business. He looked at the sign over the door -- "Temple of the Divine Dwarf" -- and went inside, never noticing that this one wasn't a bar at all.
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Sareth
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by Sareth »

I wandered down the street as casually as I thought I could. Marcus and I had been tracking the elves around (or at least, he claimed they were elves, but this was the guy who picked up dates in graveyards. They sure didn't look elvish to me.) for a while, but then somehow we'd gotten seperated. I was now on my own, following one of the elves from bar to bar. Unfortunately, this had created one naaaaaaaaaging little concern.

See, we were now in a part of town that I could well be recognized in. There were the Eisenfaust to think of... I had done that little job for them not far from here, and I knew they had a few folk around here. There might be a few Ensigerium around too. I'd run afoul of them on that same job. And I knew there were Gewehr around. That I knew very well.

And that was part of the problem. A big problem. A real big problem. I'd left this town for a reason, and only come back knowing that there was rumor to be wealth in those hills up there, and that the town was big enough that I could avoid parts I'd risk being recognized. Well, until I started following theoretical elves around town. Darned Marcus and his delusions.

The "elf" I was following ducked into the next building. I walked on down to the doorway, and glanced up.

"Oh... hell... The Temple of the Divine Dwarf?"

I had no idea what this fellow I was following thought he was doing ducking into that lot of nutballs. Any religion that had as a fundamental basis that dwarves had created humans just out of curiosity, and was eagerly awaiting their return... "The Dwarves love you and have a wonderful plan for your life." If this yahoo really was an elf, he was in for a hell of a shock. I tell you this, after having run into those nuts waaaaaaaay too many times in one life time, there was no way in hell I was going in tha

"Hello Jasmine. Nice day, isn't?"

Spurred by the voice I heard behind me, I bolted into the building like hell itself was after me. There were worse things than trying to be converted by people who believed ritual piercings made you closer to god. Running into your mother a year after running away from home certainly counted.
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Drannin
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by Drannin »

For a time, Selvay wandered down the street, despondant at the dishonesty of advertisers. "Ladies room," indeed! There hadn't been a single lady there! And thus, he wandered down the street, ignorant of the shocked, not to mention intrigued, stares he was getting. An elf all in green stands out. Especially when as gorgeous as Ramian. Regrettably, in his despair, Selvay didn't notice the number of females around that could likely have dispelled his depression.

Purely by chance, Selvay wandered into a place called "High Society" sometime after Ramian departed it. His mood improved markedly. Although he was depressed when the bouncers evicted him. After all, someone had dropped their napkin on the waitress' lap, and it had inexpicably stuck there! He was only trying to recover and return the object to it's rightful owner! What was this harassment business?! The waitress herself had also been disappointed at Selvay's eviction. Poor waitress.

Still, Selvay's mood considerably improved as he wandered down the road. Such wonderful establishments, allowing people to dance free of the confines of clothing! Sadly, most of these establishments seemed to be for female dancing only, which was both awesome and sad at the same time. Again, the dancers were very upset at Selvay's forcible departure.

Ironically, Selvay missed the "establishments" offering male dancers, or he could have made a killing on tips. But his attention was drawn to another sign: The Temple of the Divine Dwarf.

It had been ages since Selvay had seen a dwarf! Excitedly, he skipped inside, right behind an individual with blonde hair... and very nice legs. Hm.
AdamZero
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by AdamZero »

Shit. I was lost again, and somehow I'd gotten caught up in a bar fight between wherever I'd lost Jamie and somewhere else. An alley, it looked like. A proper one even. Dark, dank, unsanitary, not the sort of 'scenic' dark alleys the 'ladies' of some towns kept clean, or rather had someone else keep clean and enchanted so they could kneel on the stone without damaging their clothes.

I was behind a rather odd building. The temple of the Divine Dwarf. I didn't like the place, but there was so much loose Grey there... bad sign, but a nice boost. Whatever was in there wasn't for the faint of heart. The air had a bitter smell in the air, looking around I saw that there was a blacksmith's not to far away, odd sight, but from the look of it, rather out of the way and run down.

I peered down the alley that lead to it and saw a very tall woman in little more then denim with heavy, course, black hair, an eye patch over her right optic orb, and... four breasts? That was interesting to say the least. She was hammering away at what looked like a short sword. I decided against seeking her out, as I figured she had her own life to deal with and I had to find Jamie.

I walked up the alley and caught sight of Jamie as another individual walked up behind her and addressed the gunslinger as Jasmine. It didn't surprise me Jamie had aliases, I had a few myself. Still, a gender specific one was a bit daring, if you wanted to keep your identity as much of a mystery as possible.
"Now he's gone too far. NOONE ATTACKS AMERICA'S FOOD COURTS!" -Deadpool.
"Don't be so naive. I've got ulterior motives. MANY. Two, maybe three. Probably Four. I am one BIG ulterior motive." The Great Teacher, Onizuka Eikichi.
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Graybeard
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by Graybeard »

"Good afternoon, the Dwarves love you," an oddly dressed little man said as he appeared through a side door, startling Jamie and Marcus (and maybe even Ramian and Selvay). He was wearing a tunic with poorly-concealed padding designed to give the illusion of a hunchback, brown pants with what appeared to be hammers sticking out of the pockets, and a pair of boots suggesting that either his feet were freakishly large or he was planning on going scuba diving somewhere, never mind that there was no lake, let alone ocean, within miles. He had a flamboyant mustache and full beard, both a reddish-brown that might have been natural but probably wasn't.

As the visitors gaped at this apparition, he said, "I am Reverend Hammersmith, and I welcome you to our temple. You look like visitors to our town; would you like to see our collection of Artifacts of the Divine Dwarf? They come from the Lost Veracian Mine itself, I am told."
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by AdamZero »

Ancient Dwarven Kill-sticks? NICE. I shot a quick glance and scooped my arm under Jamie's arm and quickly escorted the confused little ball of fury into the temple. "Why thank you. We'd love to! Come on, J!" I took on the tone of a rather excited youth. The sort that acted like kids even into their adult years. It tended to work better than the 'flamboyant' youth role.

I noticed a heavy, rather empty looking donation chest near the front of the desk, and dropped several heavy coins down into the chest and shot a glance back at the 'Reverend, before ushering Jamie further into the 'church'.

(ooc: GOD it's getting difficult to keep Jamie's gender ambiguous. Considering its just us, maybe J should just have a waredrobe malfunction already....)
"Now he's gone too far. NOONE ATTACKS AMERICA'S FOOD COURTS!" -Deadpool.
"Don't be so naive. I've got ulterior motives. MANY. Two, maybe three. Probably Four. I am one BIG ulterior motive." The Great Teacher, Onizuka Eikichi.
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Sareth
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by Sareth »

[OOC: I live to please. But I think Ms. Jackson copyrighted Wardrobe Malfunctions. If Jamie had one, I'd have to give Janet a quarter.]

Gritting my teeth into what I hoped came across as something vaguely resembling a smile, I placed my hand on Marcus' in the crook of his elbow. What I really wanted to do was find a back door out of this place, not go looking at a bunch of dwarven artif...

"Did you say artifacts from the Lost Veracian Mine?" My enthusiasm suddenly returned, regardless of the absurdity of this circus freak offering to guide the tour, and the close encounter of the maternal kind. "Why, we would be simply de-lighted to see your collection, Reverend!" I squeezed Marcus' hand like I wanted to break his fingers, and gave a smile to him, then turned to give the smile to the other fellow that I had been tracking. I then almost fell over, because next to the supposed elf, was a REAL elf.

I hissed to Marcus, "Holy fug... you were right, there IS an elf!"
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Drannin
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by Drannin »

Selvay considered the small blonde person carefully. A bit androgynous... hard to tell if the fellow was... well, a fellow or fillie. And Selvay was definitely into women. Not that he didn't acknowledge that some men could be attractive. He just liked women. The parts lined up so nicely.

Still, this temple was way off! Dwarves didn't look like that! Unless they had changed since... whenever... That brought a question to mind...

Was this person, clearly attached, gay or female?

With a cheerful wave to the fellow elf who was staring at Selvay with an expression of horror (obviously disappointed that he wasn't as well dressed), the green elf turned cheerfully to Jamie and asked those fateful words: "Excuse me, but are you male or female?"

Agony ensued.
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Sareth
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by Sareth »

You know, there's really nothing like pistolwhipping a guy to totally brighten your day. You all should try it some time. I find it most therapeutic.

I turned and looked at the rest of the crowd, who generally were looking either at me (aghast) or at the elf on the floor (also aghast). With my sweetest, most innocent smile (perfected through years of attempting to convince my mother that no, I had not in fact been out after curfew... never successfully), I asked, "Anyone else confused as to my gender?"

[OOC Drannin, that little post made me laugh myself silly. "Agony ensued" indeed!"]
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AdamZero
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Re: Volkanenborg

Post by AdamZero »

I blinked once, then looked around. I saw the elf, the elf I'd met before, and then the elf that just got smacked the fuck up.
"I take it he's with you?" I asked, looking between the ranger and the... damn for a loony, he had a great ass... Though I guess that's just elves... FOCUS.

"Moving on..." I noticed the figure, the woman, who had called Jamie 'Jasmine' was looking in through the door, and was not at all distracted by the very well formed buttocks of th-

"Damnit is your ass charmed?" I squinted my eyes and saw nothing on the magickal levels. "Damn that's... just an ass that doesn't quit..."

I got some foul looks all around. "Oh piss off-- pardon me, Reverend-- Can you say that ass is not fine, regardless of with whom you wish to take to bed with you?"

A few humored me and looked, blushed, and grumbled as they looked away. One woman, from the street, had ink-dyed purple hair and was sketching the elf male's ass,.... over and over again, as she rapidly flipped pages over in her tall sketch book.

"We should charge for admission." I whispered to Jamie, as I slowly began to ease back, keeping our arms locked.
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